Save the Cheerleader, save the world

It’s getting a bit boring I know, but there has been little change to the weather.  Another week goes by without any snow.  We’ve had a small dusting today (Sunday) but nothing that will affect the piste conditions.  But, we really should be thankful, the snow that is here is in good condition, the piste bashers have been doing a sterling job & most of the higher runs are a pleasure to ride & even some of the runs into resort aren’t to bad.  In contrast most other European resorts are suffering, the rest of France especially.  Les Arc, Deux Alps & Le Plagne are going to have to close the majority of their runs & only Val Thorens of the 3 Valley’s is coping.  (this is what we hear from the companies we work for who have business in the other resorts).   Can we blame global warming?  I read an article about 2 years ago that the Alps is warming so quickly that all but the very highest peaks are going to be without snow within 20 years?  We also know that the mountain pass, the Col de Iseran that they clear of snow during June to give a quick access to Milan has been gradually reducing over the last 10 years.  In the 90’s they were clearing an average depth of around 9.5m where as lately it’s only been an average of 5.7.  We all know that some years are better/worse than others but it cant just be coincidence can it.  So next time your thinking of jumping in the car to go 1 mile to pick up some porn from the newsagents, walk.

Where's all the snow gone?

We had a cracking week though.  The family have been over to visit & it was great.  Spent most days boarding & most nights boozing, not much different from normal, we just had to pay for less.  But as with the Shapla’s, the wife managed to get out of skiing the week.  This time she managed to put her back out doing the washing, you would of thought women could cope!  It also meant that I have had to go to work 2 days a week.  At least I would of done had my day not been cancelled.  But still, it could of happened last week & it is definitely happing this week.  2 days on the trot, it’s scandalous.  Also we’ve had a bit of celebrity spotting going on.  I met Heston Blumenthal in the bar the other night, the rude basterd didn’t recognise me but had the good grace to humour my drunken rambling anyway & even better than him I met the bloke who was the Red Dwarf computer head.  Can’t for the life of me remember his name, can anyone help?

Freaks

Any who, I’ve got to go to work now.  I’ll be walking though & I don't really care for cheerleaders.

By the way, does anyone know how to make the Title Photo smaller?  I cant just reduce it in any form of normal way.

Just our luck

I’m not 1 to point the finger of blame but for this I will make an exception.  We are now in dire need of more snow.  It hasn’t snowed properly now for over a month & over the last week the temperature has been up to +12 at the mid station.  Whose fault is this, well I can only assume that it’s the sister in Law.  Every time we’ve skied with her the snow has been, well, non-existent.  I’m not saying that she does it on purpose, she loves the mountains as much as the rest of us, but a fact is a fact, she’s due out here on Saturday & the snow is getting worse, I make that a 100% record of bad snow.  So, you better be growing that snow beard young lady!

Its just like day 2 on the Glen!

I’m not going to let her take all the blame though.  Me & the wife have a fairly poor record of weather everywhere we’ve been.  It rains where ever we go, like in the middle of a desert or on a tropical island that boast 360 days of sunshine every year, we were there for a week & it rained every day.  Its cold when it should be hot, we’ve got caught in a cyclone when we were in Oz, killer heat waves in Greece, floods in Thailand, -30 in Stockholm & now we’re in one of the highest resorts in the world that usually has skiing till mid August, the 1 time we need precipitation & cold but its fucking hot & sunny.  Still the out-laws fault though.

The forecast is that the temperatures are due to drop & we will get more snow Thursday/Friday, but the weather forecast here is nowhere near as accurate as at home & they never get it right so what chance do we have?

In other news.  We have both been trying, rather unsuccessfully, to get rid of poxy colds for last month.  It’s just not shifting.  So in a drastic effort to get rid of it I decided to lay of the booze for a week, try & be a bit healthy, give the body something that it wants.  This alcohol freeze lasted precisely 8 hours.  It started Sunday morning, as I had to work in the afternoon, however, work was cancelled & Spurs v Man U were on in the pub & as we all know it is actually illegal to go to the pub & not drink booze.  As a side note (& as I text my Man U mate about) is it just me or has the red side of Manchester been watching videos of George Graham’s Arsenal.  Defend, defend, defend & the occasional break away.  Spurs wont win the league & I’d much rather it be the Green & Gold’s than Chelski or the Goons but dam they’re dull, it says it all when their best player is a 100 year old welsh man that has a yoga DVD closely followed by his feisty ginger buddy.   Anyway, as I didn’t last it through Sunday without a beer the week had gone so I thought I may as well have a couple yesterday & then a few over lunch today then the family is out to see us so I cant see this health kick starting till mid March.  Anyway, beer’s is hops & hops are vegetables so what harm can it do.  A bit of further reading, Google Norm’s Buffalo theory of why beer is good for you. 

I've also finally got some photos on.  See post below.

Photos

I've not been too good with letting you see whats been happening, so here's a little visual update.

If noticed other people putting captions to there photos, captions that are stating the bleeding odvious (ie a fuck of great mountain captioned 'Mountain')  I dont want to do this so a bit of informative local history will be provided!

A drunked got on the dogs back & pissed into the boys mouth.  It was yellow for weeks.

The local of choice & NYE drunken night

They light up the black run at night so the snow dolphins know where to go.

Water & wine, we all know what gets the most attention

Beer & water.  They are the same I think.

A mountain.
(sorry, couldn't resist)

Christmas Eve in the village.
Thats not real snow, they clear all that away & replace it with Talc, it takes a better photo!

The Lazy French.  When they close the high street to cars they all hire horses & if anyone trys to stop them they hit them with there mallets.

Deep in the back country travelling at 150mph, its amazing the wife captured me with the camera really

Whats that coming over the hill.
This where all the world's Yeti's originate from!

Thats the infamous Piste M.  Rumour has it that not a single person has ever got down it alive?

Found a panoramic setting on the camera   

I love snow

Isn’t snow brilliant.  As mentioned before the pistes have deteriorated recently & the whole resort is in dire need of a heavy dump.  I think the snow gods must of read my blog coz last night we had a splash of powder.  I had a quick blast around in it this morning & although not the 60cm we need it has made a big difference.  Then now, as I look out on the mountain vista, we have flakes the size of snowballs coming down.  We’ve had about 5cm in the last hour & its still coming down, let it last all afternoon & night & it’ll set the hill up for some wicked conditions & even make the off-pisting enjoyable.

After the family Shapla left us on Saturday I’ve given myself a bit of time off the hill.  6 days solid boarding is just a bit wearing for an aged boarder line alcoholic (we more or less last week anyway.  Why is acceptable to be having a shot of Rum in your drink at 10am just because your cold?).  Besides, the wife is still house bound due to her dodgy chest…….too many jokes too rubbish at typing…….. and it’s just a bit boring on your own.

A bit of good news I had the other day though, the company I’m working for has confirmed I’m to have regular work with them for the rest of the season.  Although, as we all know, work is shit, doesn’t matter what you do or where you do it any normal person would rather not bother but beer doesn’t buy itself now does it (sometimes last week though it felt like it though, good work Shaps).  The hours are long & tiring (sometimes I have to do up to 15hrs a week!! Did you hear, 15hrs a f*cking week.  Not every week mind, just the busy ones, but still).  But they are a good company & it is a good job for nosing around expensive Chalets & laughing at the mega rich.  The down side of it though, as we are in other peoples Chalets & working with the public, the rich & fussy public at that, I cant swear or take the piss.  As you know these are the 2 things that I’m a natural at & find it impossible to keep my mouth shut.  I’ve managed it so far with only 1 minor incident.  We had just fitted a family for their ski boots & was setting up their ski’s, all the customers were upstairs sitting round the fire Ra Ra Ra’ing about the kind of bollocks that ski people bore us all with, or so we thought.  Me & the boss were chatting away, when they called down “Lizzie, come & join us for Champoo darling” (twats) & to our great surprise 1 of the daughters was in the bedroom next to where we was working with her door open & could clearly hear all the cheap innuendo & poor jokes spilling from my mouth, luckily she was too engrossed in facebook or porn or what ever teenage girls look at these days so probably didn’t register but must be more careful.

Tonight is the start of the snow Polo so we’re going to watch the equestrian show before all the matches later in the week.  Then tomorrow (Wednesday) is the weekly après party in the Doudone so I fully expect to be overly pissed & making up for all the tongue biting & politeness.

B*llocks,  Tw+t,  Sh*t,  F*ck,  C+nt,  W*nker.

A long catch up

Due to recent complications & the distinct lack of posts, this blog is going to be a long 1.  So, make sure the boss is out, you’ve got a cup of tea & your phone is on silent (I’m assuming you’re reading this at work, why would you waste your own time?).

The reason for the lack of emails, blogs, Skye & general e-contact is the on going saga of our internet problems.  As my many previous gripes have said we’ve had to buy 2 Wi-Fi dongles at a considerable cost, neither worked & the shops wouldn’t take them back.  Not only that they now appear to have corrupt the internal modem on my laptop so we couldn’t access the internet at all, anywhere.  A few computer wiz’s had a go but to no avail, I’m sure 1 of you supper brains could work it out but it’s far beyond us mountain dwellers.  So I sit here typing away on the only solution left open to us, a new laptop & as lovely as it is it is an expense our rather tight budget could do without.  Who do I blame, those pesky French of course.

Enough about that, back to real the business of what’s been happening here.  The last time I blogged I think it was raining out side, its been a bit of mixed bag since but the last proper snow we had was Christmas Day when a dump of 30cm came down but from then on its been bright sun & getting gradually warmer, this is all well & good but it also means the snow is getting worse by the day.  Looking out of the window now it is still blue skies & a crisp mountains skyline but it is also ice & slush on most of the lower runs.  Snow is now a necessity.  Send all your snow this way please, then you can get to work on time & I can fanny about on my board.  That’s weather dealt with, next.

Christmas.  It looks like a Christmas card out here but it never felt much like it.  Christmas across most of Europe is celebrated on the 24^th & is a much simpler affair.  There is no mad rush in the super markets, presents are very few so shopping is not really done & there is no annoying f*cking Christmas songs.  I haven’t had to endure Slade’s last Christmas, Mariah c*nting Carey singing about who she wants for Christmas & the Pouges on auto repeat.  It’s been delightful.  We did the French thing so we had our Christmas dinner on the 24^th.  The wife cooked a slap up 4-course meal & after a few drinks in town we came back & gorged ourselves on copious amounts of food & drink & very nice it was too.  On the big day itself whilst you we’re all ripping open hundreds of expensive & pointless presents we had 1 between us.  That’s right, just 1.  We didn’t even get each other anything (mostly because we had just spent a small fortune on a new laptop).  The wife’s lovely uncle had sent us out with a big box & when we opened it, to our pleasure, it contained a selection of spicy food stuff, corn based treats & chocolate.  We intended to spend most of the day boarding but as it was snowing really hard we did 1 run, had a hot chocolate then came down & spent some quality time on the sofa.  As we had the busiest work day of the year to come on Boxing Day we didn’t even have any booze, (rock & roll).

Christmas Day

That brings me neatly on to the next subject, work.  The wife & I have been happily working away together every weekend cleaning apartments on change over-day.  This has been relatively easy work.  But my skill & enthusiasm in the cleaning department got round the resort & I got offered, & accepted, a job working for Oxygen Ski School.  Next to ESF (who until very recently did not allow non-French people to work for them & dominate the French Ski-school market) they are the biggest ski-school & equipment hire in Val.  They haven’t quit noticed my extensive skills as a snowboard instructor yet so I am working alongside another English fella as ski/boot technician.  Not just that either, I am on there high end Chalet fitting service.  This means we go round all the best Chalets in the resort (which are up to €30,000 a week) & fit them for boots & ski’s without their rich little ase’s having to venture into the cold. It seems a perfectly natural course of events to me, start cleaning, promoted to ski technician!  I have got to hear some amazing names of spoilt rich kids as well.  The 1^st one was called Italy, we’ve had a Ned, Dash (after the Incredible’s), Cosmo, Rupert & countless Tilly’s.  And they’re just the English 1’s.  I’ve managed to keep a straight face so far but I cant see it lasting

My boarding is improving gradually as well.  I can now do icy reds without too much hassle (& limited falls) but I did manage to have my worst fall recently.  I was just off piste going down a relatively tame red run when I see a small mound of snow which would make an ideal kicker to do a little jump off.  I turned towards it, straightened up & gunned it, but instead of my board going up & over the it it went straight into it, got caught up in deep snow (possibly hit a rock but I couldn’t be sure) & sent me into a forward summersault.  The wife said I initially landed on my feet but the pain in my head & neck suggested otherwise.  I rolled down the mountain before coming to a crumpled halt waste deep in my own mini avalanche.  Luckily the snow was quite deep & I only landed on my head, so no lasting damage.  I got a round of applause from a fellow random boarder so it must have been a good 1.  I’m not the only 1 falling over though, the wife managed quite a spectacular fall the other day sending her poles & skies in all directions bruising her ribs & confidence in the process.  All ok now though.   

Floating down the mountain

It’s not been the falling that has sent us to the medical centre though.  Its been the Sesonaires cough.  We’ve both had the obligatory cold all over Christmas but I caught a nasty chest infection off one of the lads I was working with, being a man though I shrugged it off & carried on but the poor wife was so bad she couldn’t breath so we paid a little visit to the infamous Dr Al who soon put pay to skiing & drinking for a couple of weeks, well, for her anyway.

We managed to get New Year’s Eve out the way before we got struck down with the worst of the lurgies & it was a cracker. We went to our Favourite little bar called The Lodge for drinks & dinner in the restaurant upstairs but it started off with an afternoon boarding with a mate (the wife was feeling a bit ill so she needed a rest before the drinking) & the compulsory post ski drinks.  It was a lovely sunny day so we had pint up the mountain on a packed out sun deck before going back to a bar called The Chalet.  As I told the wife I only had 3 pints (didn’t want to spoil the evening) but the wallet suggested I had at least double, its not like me to lie to the wife about how much I had to drink?  As I was half cut (I know on only 3 pints, who’d of thought it) it was a very quick turn around on the bath & changing then straight out to The Lodge.  The meal was ok but the drinking went on to around 4am & it was great.  They do NYE much more than Christmas & it was just 1 big party everywhere.  The downside, as there inevitably is, was the hangover the next day.  I managed to get away with it with little more than a morning headache & afternoon beer sweats, the wife though, dam.  I’ll say no more, we’ve all been there.  It was lucky I got away with it, as I had to drive the tricky mountain roads in the dark for 40mins to pick up our friends who were visiting Val for a week.  That week has just gone & it was great to see them both & to have a fellow boarder & drinker with me all week.  The body now needs a few days to clear the beer from the system but a blinding week was had.

And I’ll finish with a top tip from my own personal experience.  If you happen have a bit of dodgy food that stops you being more 5m away from a toilet.  If you’ve had to sit on the thrown 10 times in an hour, if the passing of solids are but a distant memory but now its not just liquid that’s exploding out its like battery acid, if every wipe of the triple ply feels like an angle grinder & all thought of wiping fills you with dread & all you want is a nice soothing clean, then don’t, & please take it from me, don’t what ever you do mistake baby wipes for Flash bleach toilet wipes!!

Happy New Year All.

I'm Back

Hello all.  We have a new computer after the last 1 was corrupt by the useless french dongles.  We still dont have internet at home but at least we can get on line in wifi spots.

I will do a proper blog soon and update you all on our Christmas & new Year's activities.

Happy New Year All