There is a healthy rivalry between snowboarders & skiers not like that between Man U & Liverpool or Tottenham & the Arse, more like that between Rugby fans & football fans. Each think their sport is better, each moan about the other being feeble, gay or boring & if there is any sort of incident then each blame the other, in fact the only thing they have in common is they all hate snowbladers. I’ve been a snowboarder for the last 15 years or, as the skiers like to call us, gays on trays, as opposed to them who are dicks with sticks, proofs with poles or cunts on ski’s. But due to the worsening conditions & its easier to do ice on 2 edges than 1 I have decided to rekindle my 1st love of the mountain & try out the planks again.
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| Its not just me that looks this bigger dick on ski's |
The wife (who is an accomplished skier) was looking forward to me clipping in to skies again, mostly so she could laugh at me falling on my head & generally looking more the tit than I normally do & it was with a fair amount of trepidation that I hit the slopes again yesterday. All this negativity comes from the fact that the 1st time me & the girlfriend (as she was known back then) did a ski holiday together some 12 years ago & after I had already converted to the board a few years before. There was a big group of us & the majority of them skied, some of them were very good & got a ski guide for the day. I decided that I would put some ski’s on & join them, it had only been 3 years after all. It was not good, or rather I was not good. I fell over back words on the flat getting onto the lift, I fell over on the 1st gentle blue we did & this continued throughout the day, me falling over on varying degrees of slope. The rest of the group had great fun at my expense & I finished the day in pain & suffering. I hadn’t skied since. With all this in mind & the small group of friends & colleagues knowing I was going to ski & wanting to enjoy the fun of me falling on my arse, repeatedly, I gingerly headed for the gentlest of nursery slopes. I had practiced say ‘yah’ & ‘darling’ a lot, put on some drab sensible clothing so was ready to mingle with the ski-set.
I have just completed my 2nd day & much to the wife’s disappointment I am in relatively decent order. Other than burning thighs where I have to use the wrong muscles I’m not even injured (yet. I’ve got 1 more day to go). I’ve managed proper turns & haven’t had to resort to the dreaded snowplough once. It’s the 1st time I’ve used these new fan dangled carver skies (they’ve only been popular for the last 12 years!), incidentally its because of snowboarding that ski technology improved so rapidly. I’ve carved my way down the Val D’isere green & blue runs. I have just completed the most difficult red run in the world (just ask the Brother, the Brothers wife & Shapla). Without being too big headed, which isn’t easy for me, I didn’t just get down it in survival mode, I actually skied it & fast as well (for a novice at least).
So I am now in a position, as a snowboarder that ski’s to give an impartial, thorough appraisal of the differences between boarding & skiing. I can confirm that all is as we all suspected, all skiers are twats (except the wife who sometimes reads this). (I am reading this!!! He doesn't realise I’ve put this in though. E xx) I’m joking of course? I still think that as an amateur, which we all are, there is much more fun to be had on a board but that is offset by the fact that you spend so much time on your arse faffing about with your rear leg binding (even more if you’re a shapla), the snowboard really comes into its own in powder or fluffy snow but, as previously mentioned, we haven’t had much of that & its much easier to do ice on ski’s but for me, for now, I’m sticking to the board & all you winging ski toffs out there, until you can board you can keep you plummy, droning nonsense to yourselves.
